Headline! “Internal poll shows Jindal approval ratings up” But wait, you say. That doesn’t make sense!
How? Total political collapse. Bobby Jindal’s flailing, embarrassing, drunken lust for the presidency has got him nowhere. His approval ratings tanked, his tax scheme blew up in his face, and his various national media opportunities have become the stuff of ripe comedy.
See, Team Jindal is trying to counter a TERRIBLE poll about Jindal from Conservative Intelligence Briefing, an influential source in influential conservative circles.
Also on Monday, another poll released by Conservative Intelligence Briefing put Jindal’s approval rating at 35 percent, even lower than SMOR’s numbers from six months ago.
That poll, conducted by GOP pollster Harper Polling, was just downright terrible:
Second-term Republican Gov. Bobby Jindal is occasionally mentioned as a presidential contender in 2016, but he has some work to do back home first. He is deeply unpopular two years after he was re-elected over token opposition. Only 35 percent of respondents view Jindal favorably, versus 51 percent who view him unfavorably. In a hypothetical 2016 presidential matchup, respondents in our poll picked Hillary Clinton over Jindal, 44 to 42 percent.
Bobby Jindal’s the joke, and he’s the only one who isn’t in on it. Yes, Hillary Clinton (OF THE CLINTON FAMILY! YOU KNOW, WITH EVIL LIBERAL BILL!) beats JIndal in 2016 in Louisiana. WOW
When things are bad, unappealing options look, well, more appealing. Take, for example, polling.
Jindal’s numbers have crashed, embarrassing him just at the time he seeks to parade in front of the Koch brothers for bundles of campaign cash. This isn’t good. What to do?
Well, Bobby decided he’d embark on a 64-parish tour. And at the conclusion of the tour, you’ll commission a poll. The poll will invariably show you’ve improved your numbers. Crisis solved, wrapped up neatly in a bow.
But what about that poll? Who should run it? Certainly it should have the appearance of credibility. But what if the credible pollster weren’t apt to lie? What if they released a poll, and it didn’t show improvement? What if Jindal was still Mr. 38% and falling?
Solution: Have Timmy Teepell do it! He knows where his bread is buttered and the numbers will look great. How will we hide our statistical manipulations to pull a positive number out of the air? We’ll seal the results!
A full breakdown of the poll results will not be released to the press or public, Anderson said Monday, because “there’s a lot of strategic stuff in there.”